The daily quiet panic.Posted: February 26, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized 9 Comments
The view from my balcony last night.
Today I was sitting at my writing desk, overlooking the snow, trying to translate all the beautiful things in my head into words, remembering Iran and Belize and all the people I love, and I grabbed my headphones and listened to this and buried my face in my hands and cried.
This happens almost every day. At least one moment of panic that I won’t get the chance to live as long as I need to live to do all the things I need to do.
I used to not want to be here. I wanted to be with my mother, wherever she was.
And now I think of how happy she must be, that I love life this much, to cry like this.
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You have accomplished so much already. No moss has grown under your feet.
I know those moments when our mortality “smacks” us in the face though. When Shaun was 2, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I had put on a brave face for Roger and Shaun each day for a year, but each night I would lie down with Shaun till he would go to sleep, Then I would get up, look down at him and cry and pray to God that I could live till he was done with school, Pleading that no one could love him the way I would.
Years later as he was getting closer to graduation, I broke down again and prayed that I might have the whole enchilada. I wanted to see him get married, see and love his children and see him happy.
God could not be that cruel not to fulfill those same wishes I know your Mom had. She sees you. Love you Monica.
❤ ❤ ❤
One day — one day — you will feel more like the first song on that album rather than the last. You will.
As a Portuguese fan of yours, I was very glad to find that one of our best artists could be part of such a powerful moment. And I am sure you’ll go on loving life for very long – and us, your readers, loving it through your work too. Thank you for that.
Thank YOU, Carolina. I’ve only just discovered Ana Moura and was so happy to have done so. It’s still the only song I want to hear…I’m stuck in a lovely limbo.
Reblogged this on audireddy123's Blog.
This was an amazing one. I get it.