Dear ants.

Dear golden-raisin-colored ants who frequented my room last night,

Apparently your communication skills are legendary within your phylum. But last night, I was not impressed. It might behoove your species to develop a way of saying, “DO NOT GO NEAR THIS HUMAN BEING. SHE WILL SMASH YOU AND THEN DROP YOUR CHITINOUS BITS INTO THE WEB OF A SPIDER WHO WILL NEVER STOP TELLING HIS FRIENDS ABOUT THE NIGHT WHEN MANNA RAINED FROM THE HEAVENS. SEE? RIGHT THERE. RIGHT WHERE MY ANTENNA IS POINTING.”

Sincerely,

Monica