Paradigm shift.

I promise this has to do with art.

To me, at present, an intimate relationship would also ideally be a creative relationship. But I feel the universe is conspiring to teach me something. First there was this article on the modern woman and marriage; then this article about the uncoupling of love and sex; and then of course this book, about the construction of marriage as a necessarily all-consuming full-service relationship being a very recent thing. And all of these are floating in a bottomless bowl of ideas about possession, autonomy, intimacy, solitude, and (paradoxically) how not to take relationships personally.

What is a partner for? Less, I think, than s/he used to be. Which isn’t to say that the person would be a lesser person. It just means I would need less of them. Because, as much as I still cherish the ideal of an ideal partner, the person who fulfills all of my needs, hopes, desires and expectations keeps turning out to be me. 

I don’t know in which direction I should surrender.


4 Comments on “Paradigm shift.”

  1. jackie says:

    You are a wonderful person. You also would be an unbelievable partner. My wish is your happiness and your completeness, but if you do share “you” with another, I hope your happiness is increased as well as the other person’s.

  2. Thank you, dear Jackie. I hope so too!

  3. Brad says:

    I realize this is late. I think the important thing to remember is, each relationship has the possibility to throw all the rules out the window and be completely unique.

    The idea that two people can make up any set of rules (or not) is a heady idea worth thinking about.

    You can look at generalities but don’t think they have to apply to you.

  4. Thanks very much for that, Brad. Yes, I’d like to believe that couples can reinvent what a relationship looks like, the way a person reinvents herself. It just takes someone that you feel you can work with…a good fellow engineer, if that makes sense.

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